We all deserve to feel confident in the bedroom, whoever we are and whatever we’re into. Yet so many of us don’t! We live in a world where there are so many barriers to loving ourselves and our bodies. It can be exhausting. But fear not. I’ve been through all this myself (to be honest, it’s a journey I’m still on) and have some tips to help you boost your bedroom mojo.
- Buy underwear that fits you
I only worked this one out recently, having spent years throwing tantrums in bra fitting rooms and later avoiding them altogether. Survey results vary but it looks like anywhere up to 80% of people who wear bras are wearing the wrong size (think of all those poor uncomfy boobs!) It doesn’t just feel better wearing undies that fit, it also looks better. So no more of that uncomfortable undies nonsense – splash out on some new pants and treat your bits with the respect they deserve.
- Look at lots of genitals!
Ideas about what our genitals are supposed to look like have been drilled into us for so long that it’s hard to believe everyone’s are different unless we see it for ourselves. There are all sorts of shapes, sizes, colours, and configurations out there, and plenty of places you can go to see them all. You’ll never have felt better about your own (and other people’s) bits – I promise. Try the Great Wall of Vagina (it’s as cool as it sounds), Pot Yer Tits Away Luv, or Laura Dodson’s ‘Manhood’.
- Bodyposify your Instagram feed
It’s so hard to feel good about your bod when all of the bodies you see look the same, and none of them look like yours. Filling your Instagram feed with body positive accounts is a life changing move – instead of opening Instagram and feeling inadequate I open it and feel like a queen surrounded by other queens all elevating each other to new heights of queenliness. Don’t tell me that doesn’t sound empowering.
Here are some great accounts to start with:
It’s so hard to feel good about your bod when all of the bodies you see look the same, and none of them look like yours.
- If porn is your thing, pay for diverse and body positive porn
Porn can be a great way of getting your sexual juices flowing. It can also be great way of building body and bedroom confidence. But it’s important to find the right porn – you want to know everyone is consenting, all bodies are valued and that it’s going to build you up not bring you down! Try Make Love Not Porn, or anything by Courtney Trouble.
- Be really communicative with your partner.
Being naked with someone is an unrivalled opportunity to make them feel good about themselves. Tell them what you love about their bod and hopefully, they’ll return the favour. This will help you both to feel comfortable and sexy around each other. It’ll also get you chatting, which brings me to my next point…
- Keep the conversation going
It’s all about chatty sex. Talk about what you’re doing, what you want to do. Ask each other questions. There’s nothing better for your self-esteem than being told you’re doing well, or asking confidently for what you want. Never be scared to have a giggle, either!
There’s nothing better for your self-esteem than being told you’re doing well, or asking confidently for what you want.
- Bring a sex toy into the bedroom.
If it normally takes you a while to come, or you find it hard to get in the zone, using a toy like The Bullet while you have sex with your partner can be a great way of relieving pressure. This is especially true if you need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm – practice by yourself with the toy and then bring it into the bedroom knowing how to make it happen. You’ll have one less thing to think about!
Whatever you do to build your bedroom confidence, remember that your partner is there because they think you’re sexy and they want to get down with you! What could be more flattering than that?
Written by: Jess Bolton